DRUG WAR ROOFING COMPANY
"Call us today for a free inspection, otherwise we'll kick down your door and do one anyway."
Got a leaky roof? Call Drug War Roofing Company.
In keeping with the war on drugs theme, Drug War Roofing Company reminds all customers:
Ninety percent of your leak will continue indefinitely.
DWR can't stop the leak. You know it. We know it. Heck, we admit it in advance. You insist on paying us anyway. Our motto: "If it keeps just one kid from abusing a leaky roof, it's worth it."
Federal law dictates that you use our approach to roof repair. There is only one way to fix a roof. All loyal Americans know this. There will be no discussion.
Go ahead and complain. DWR will ignore your complaints and hire more people only to produce the same results. All the while charging you a higher rate than we did last year. Shucks, that's a 25 year tradition at DWR.
Certified by the government of the United States, hand picked by the government of Mexico, our crack staff includes some of Mexico's finest. Dagnabit, they gotta be good; if you can't trust U.S. and Mexican government officials, who can you trust?
Employees taking bribes? Corruption? Murder? Innocent by-standers caught in the cross-fire? It's all in a days work at Drug War Roofing.
Don't you worry none, DWR will bend the U.S. Constitution like a mud-stained rainbow and place the U.S. military right in your very own backyard. Drunk with power and wielding automatic weapons; the military isn't trained to repair roofs, but it sure looks good on our resume.
DWR currently charges 4.5 million dollars an hour. Bes' call now, inevitably our rates increase every year.
We at DWR firmly believe that it is our moral duty to continually escalate our efforts no matter the fee, regardless of the consequences. We are going to stop the rain at its source. We owe it to 'thu' children.
We're just a phone call away. That's 1 (800) GET - SOAKED.
THANK YOU TO JOHN IN WACO