Undefinable
University graduate Toby Hill-Meyer explained the language
barriers behind gender identity and the term "bisexual"

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Photo:
http://media.dailyemerald.com/vimages/shared/vnews/stories/s-42970c6c60376-84-1.jpg

Caption: Kate Horton | Photographer.  Toby Hill-Meyer read an
excerpt from her thesis and an essay she wrote that was recently
published in a book titled "Getting Bi" on Tuesday night in the
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer Alliance office.
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Matt Chaban
Freelance Reporter
Oregon Daily Emerald
May 27, 2005

http://www.dailyemerald.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2005/05/27/42970c6c60376

For the reading she was about to give, Toby Hill-Meyer wore a
red halter top with lipstick to match, black Levi's 501s and
black leather work boots. Her hair was tied back in two long
ponytails. Though dressed effeminately, Hill-Meyer could just as
easily have worn the black leather biker garb from a number of
pictures she passed around during the reading Tuesday night. The
two outfits match the fluidity of Hill-Meyer's bisexuality.

"I have butch days, and I have fem days," she said. "I have
different feelings on different days, and I feel free to fulfill
them."

A recent graduate and former Programs Finance Committee senator,
Hill-Meyer read works drawn from her thesis-zine, "A New
Language of Gender and Desire," as well as an essay recently
published in the book "Getting Bi." The rapt audience, which
included many bisexuals, gathered in a stuffy EMU Suite 34, home
of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer Alliance.

The pieces explored the lack of suitable language in English to
address the complex issues surrounding gender identity,
especially for bisexuals.

Hill-Meyer said the problem is "this sense of not having the
language to communicate what's going on for me, having an idea
in my head but no way to communicate that to other people."

Hill-Meyer said that sex is often equated with gender but that
sexual orientation is not all about sex. Instead, she and other
bisexuals find many different factors influencing sexual
attraction.

For example, Hill-Meyer said she was pretty sure she was a
straight male in high school, but in college she became less
sure of herself.

"More realistically, I was 95 percent attracted to feminists,
and there weren't any feminist men at my high school," she said.
"That's what I'm really attracted to."

Instead of being attracted to men and women, as people assume
when Hill-Meyer tells them she is bisexual, she said the more
gender-deviant a person is and the more in between the two
sexes, the more she will be attracted to them, which is why
"bisexual" is an often confounding term for Hill-Meyer. It
suggests only two genders, when really she sees many more, she
said.

A language has sprung up within the LGBTQA community to describe
these different genders. While researching her thesis and trying
to find one word that perfectly described herself, Hill-Meyer
said she discovered a Web site with more than 150 words for
various gender identities. Still, she said she was not satisfied
because none of these words was a perfect fit.

She said it is difficult to accept a unique term because most
support comes from like-minded people with a similar gender
identity. To choose a unique and specific designation could mean
expulsion or even condemnation from a once-supportive group, she
said.

"It's about having a community, a culture, an outlook to share
with others," she said.

Having never found that perfect word, Hill-Meyer said she
realized the best recourse was to have none at all. By not
pigeonholing herself, her gender could fluidly adjust over time,
as it already had, she said. This fluidity extends beyond
language into the culture and community that are often the true
determinant of a person's gender identity.

Graduate student Alelhia Hostetter said many audience members
felt reticent when trying to address the issues Hill-Meyer
raised.

"It's hard to describe, the fact that it's hard to address the
issues that come up around language and identity," Hostetter
said.

Though Hill-Meyer emphasized throughout the reading that no one
word can sum up the many gender issues, an audience member's
shirt seemed emblematic of the nature of the issues. A woman
with close-cropped gray hair and glasses wore a royal blue
long-sleeved T-shirt. In a cursive black script it read:
"Complicated."

© 2005 Oregon Daily Emerald