Kelly sits back down on the rock and begins to speak.

"First of all, yes, I'm a guy. I was named for my grandfather, whose last name was Kelly. It's somewhat rarer as a male first name, but I've met a handful of other male Kellys in my life. I still get mail addressed to "Ms." now and then, though."

"I was born on March 15, 1970 (beware the Ides of March, Caesar!), in Chula Vista, which is part of San Diego, California. I'm the eldest of three brothers - one year older than Justin, three years older than Travis. Our family moved up to Oregon when I was just three, so I'm not technically a native Oregonian, but close enough."

"I spent my childhood on seven acres near Oakland - that's a small town in southwest Oregon, not the one near San Francisco. Then we started moving to bigger towns; first Roseburg, where I went to Fremont Jr. High, and then Eugene, where I attended South Eugene HS and then the U of O. Friends keep trying to get me to move to some place that's even bigger, like Portland or Seattle, but I just don't know... I've sometimes been compared to a hobbit, and not just because of hair on my toes. All I need is a home with a round door."

"I graduated from the U of O with a B.A. in English... would you like fries with that, sir? After a few service jobs, I decided I wanted to wear real clothes to work and found a position as a legal secretary. (A man, named Kelly, who's a secretary. I can tell some of you are shaking your heads.) My boss, Robert Tozer, is a very cool guy who mostly handles elder law. I've been with him for seven years. Now and then I think about doing something with my other computer skills, but this job pays decently and leaves me enough free time to take care of my father, who had a stroke or two some years ago."

"Computers have been a hobby of mine since I first got to play with an Apple ][ back in junior high. I learned to program with BASIC and Pascal, but soon realized I preferred using software to DO stuff, rather than spend time writing my own. I've been on the Net since 1989. I subscribe to several mailing lists, read newsgroups, play/socialize on a MUSH or two, and do a bit of web-surfing. Make that a lot of web-surfing."

"My current machine is an AMD K6-2 500 MHz, with 192 Mb of RAM and a total of about 28 Gigs of HD space. It's a bit behind the curve, but you should have seen my last computer (a P100). I still keep that around to play older DOS games, and the new one is good enough for most of my needs."

"I'm about 5'9" tall (1.75 meters), with dark brown hair and blue eyes which are usually behind a pair of glasses. Right now I weigh 250 pounds (114 kg) or so, which is a bit heavier than I'd like to be. The first step, of course, is getting up from in front of this computer..."

"When I'm not being a high-tech couch potato, I enjoy reading (mostly science fiction and fantasy), dabble in writing (likewise), bike riding, soccer, swimming, playing role-playing games, and going out to dinner or a movie with friends. For more on my interests, have a look at my bookmarks page."

"My turn-ons are... oops, wrong data sheet. Never mind."

As he finishes talking, you realize this is

The End

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