From a very young age I never quite fit in with the "boys" or the "girls". Rather that letting it get to me, I struck out on my own and played at being unconcerned. I was a tom-boy to end all, clambering up trees and playing in the mud. Even so, I had my dolls and played house. Whatever felt good, I did, and it never occured to me that I was different in any way. I was just a kid, sexless and innocent.

As I grew, that abiguity didn't change. It became clear I wasn't like my peers, or anyone I knew of for that matter. I looked like a girl, and I dressed like a girl, but something inside was off-kilter. I was twelve when I first played at dressing like a boy. If fact, I had a picture on my mirror of one of my attempts. Much to my confused satisfaction, visitors to my room would often enquire eviously "is that your boyfriend?" I didn't indulge in this often. I wasn't very good at it (I'm not what one would call flat chested or slim hipped), and the results didn't satisfy me after age 12.

By highschool I knew something was very very "wrong" with me. I was neither male nor female, yet I was trapped in the body and stereo-type of "woman". Once, to my mother's horror, I mentioned that not even a sex-change could align my body with my mind. It began to chafe horribly. No one could look at me and know who and what I was under the skin. There was no one who could understand even if they did know. When I was a senior I thought I was compleltly transgendered. I denied having any female in me at all. I tried to hate women, labeling them all as weak and mindless. Part of me knew I was being irrational and unfair, but I couldn't seem to help it. Looking back, I know why this happened, it was established that transgenderism occured. I couldn't find a name for what I was, so I sought to become something that had one.

This faded in time. I came to accept what nature made me. It wasn't that I lacked gender, I was both. That's a stiff drink for an eighteen year old to choke down. Certainly it could be used to my advantage, cultivating the strengths of both genders makes for a hefty arsenal, but this was no easy task. I had a lot to learn in coming to discover and temper my shortfalls. There was so much to overcome, it was almost overwelming. I had no choice though, I was what I was, and it had to be accepted.

Even now I feel the strain. I feel very alone much of the time. As a whole though, I wouldn't be any other way. Who I am isn't easy (but then who's life is?), but it's rewarding. Especially unique is that I'm biologically female. I've seen quite a few males who boast a bit of both fields, but seldom someone with my genitalia. That's why I created this page. I wanted to tell the world that I exist, that people like me exist. Gender isn't as cut-and-dry as it might seem, and one can never judge a book by it's cover. The flesh is female, and I love women's clothing, but I almost always wear men's undergarments and I'm known to sleep in my strap-on.