Three rings for the Nokia-kings under the sky
Seven for DoCoMo and its ring-tones
Nine for an American Empire doomed to die
One for the Dollar on its Oil Throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie


One World-System to Rule them All
One World-System to Find Them
One World-System to Bring Them All
and in the Neoliberal Darkness Bind Them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie


NameTolkien InventionReal-world Equivalent
SauronEvil spirit overthrown in mists of prehistory, but returns centuries laterPetro-fundamentalism (overthrown in late 19th century, returns in late 20th century)
Ringwraiths Ghastly servants of the One Master/One SystemArbusto-Halliburton neocons
Morgul-kingSauron's prime servantDonald Rumsfeld
SarumanMighty wizard who turns traitor when the oil sludge hits the fanTony Blair
Aerial steeds of RingwraithsInstruments of terror and destructionB-52s
RingCorrupts all who seek to wield it; seeks to constantly expand its sway; wishes to enslave the world; can only be destroyed at place of productionCapital
WargsHideous, fast-moving monstersSUVs
FrodoSeemingly insignificant hobbit/taxi-driver, who unexpectedly holds fate of Earth in handJoschka Fischer
SamwiseUnlikely supporting heroJacques Chirac
GollumUnfortunate creature ensnared by Ring, who becomes Frodo’s unwilling guideJean Le Pen
GandalfWizard who unites the scattered forces of resistanceRomano Prodi
BalrogNightmarish monster overthrown in battle at pitched heights (Mountains above Moria/Eurotower)Euromonetarism
TheodredAt first enfeebled by evil (neoliberal) spell, but wages valiant battle against oil-orcsKim Dae-Jung
Helm's DeepFortress against the oil-orcs of neoliberalismSouth Korean developmental state
ElrondSenior leader/diplomat of ElvesKofi Annan
GaladrielQueen of Lothlorien, soul of the Free PeoplesToni Morrison
LegolasHeroic Elven warriorJorm Ollila
AragornAfter long years in the wilderness, emerges as mighty leaderLula
MerryHobbit who defeats Ringwraith on battlefield Michael Moore (Fahrenheit 9/11)
PippinHobbit who mobilizes EntsPrivate Perry (Whistleblower of Abu Ghraib)
GimliMighty Dwarven warrior, assists in defense of Hornburg/South KoreaVladimir Putin
Elrohir, Lord of EaglesMagnificent creatures of the airAirbus, lord of civilian aviation
PalantirsDevices able to see far distances3G cellphones
NarsilSword That Was BrokenClass struggle
FaramirCaptain of Gondor, tempted by Ring but ultimately resistsGerhard Schroeder
BoromirMighty hero who falls prey to the lure of the RingBill Clinton
EntsFriends to all living thingsGlobal justice movement
Barad-durFortress of MordorWhite House
MordorFortress and lair of SauronBananamerica
OsgiliathAncient city occupied by MordorBaghdad
Eye of MordorTelepathic link binding Sauron's slave to his willFox News
GondorEmbattled fortressEuropean Union

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